Managing the PAIN..

Are you an individual who is disappointed in others? Do you feel betrayed from colleagues at work / mates in life? Do you think you deserve better people around you?

This is a true short-version story of “Adam”, someone I knew closely, and the lessons learnt might help you get over your feelings now, and in the future.

“Adam” was a senior person in his organization, believed in seeing the best in people, helped them develop, supported their growth and in many cases, challenged letting them go for downsizing / restructuring purpose, and actually repositioned them across the organization. In brief, someone who wants to be good to others and expected good feelings back.

“Adam” suddenly went into a personal crisis, his closest member in his family was diagnosed with cancer (stage 4 – terminal), bravely went into a hell of a fight for eight months until he died. During those months, “Adam” dived into a deep tunnel of depression, typical to those described in psychology books.

As most of us expect, “Adam” expected some support back, someone to call, come over, take him out, help him manage the pain and lend a hand to pick him up from the downward spiral depression, … unfortunately, no one did … on the opposite side, some of the people he has strongly supported and helped turned their faces when they saw him by coincidence, and some didn’t return his emails and messages. At this stage, “Adam” went into a side loop of questioning his existence, “Maybe I am not good enough”, and the depression loop became tighter, stronger with light almost disappearing at the horizon.

It was just before he drops the towel, that he read a verse in the Holy Quran saying “And be patient with what they say and abandon them beautifully” (Al-Muzzammil-10), which is also mentioned in the Bible “I depend on God alone; I put my hope in him” (Psalm 62:5).

“Adam” started reading the meaning of “Abandon them beautifully” and how can abandoning people be “beautiful”. The following were the findings:

Ensure your dependence and control are someone who doesn’t change as the time changes.
Abandon groups who make you feel bad.
Don’t return bad words / actions with the same.
Leave your destiny (and theirs) to God, and focus on what is in your span of control.

As hard as this seemed to “Adam”, as he was a typical extrovert, he started applying the rule, and the first quick finding was: “Once you stop thinking of / doing something, you have the space to start thinking / doing something else”

“Adam” started doing totally new things, reading new books, exercising new sports, and of course, during those activities, he met totally new people. Bit by bit, the downward spiral slowed down, then flipped upwards and “Adam” started coming back to life, but with a completely new mindset and as a “re-made” individual.

I asked “Adam”, what’s your recipe to those people out there feeling the same as you were, and he said “4 keys, keep them with you and they will open the depression lock”:

The “ZERO” key. Never expect “friendship” at work. The rule is 1 to 500. Expect zero from everyone around you, especially in this digital (fake) world.
The “One” key. Only one who doesn’t change in this life; that is God. Speak only to him, depend on him, trust him and keep the faith.
The “Two Key”. You were created with a pair of almost everything, look at things from different angles, and use your pairs (eyes, ears, hands, legs) to view life as a bigger thing than work or relationships, and most importantly; keep moving, get yourself busy and never stop motion.
The “Infinity Key”. As Covey mentioned in his seven habits, “Think with the end in mind” (Habit two). If this is your last day in life, what would you rather be doing today, this hour, at this moment. Don’t waste a moment in negative feelings or with negative people. Keep your clock in the positive mode.

If you think you passed through “Adam” times, share your thoughts, and if you are currently in “Adam” shoes, then this might help you get out of the depression loop.

Managing the PAIN..