Against All Odds!

Looking for friends? True relationships? True values? ..Tired of searching for genuine feelings and true people you can cherish in today’s material world? ..Stop the search and focus on your within .. Great surprises are on the way!

The happiness equation

One of the most popular jobs expected to rise in the future is the job of Psychologists, with the majority of people today complaining of stress at work and at life in general.. The search for happiness is on and the majority of people today can’t find it .. One out of maybe a thousand is feeling satisfied with where they are, and according to a study published at the “Psychology today”, older generations are no longer happier than younger ones, and neither young nor old generations are generally satisfied or feeling content with what they have or where they are ..

So where is the error? Is this a normal progression of life on earth, that will inevitably lead to the destruction of life on the planet? Is love gone? Friendship? Relationships? Values? How many people today think of retiring far ..far.. far away from the society? Or maybe grab great people around them and form a new society far away from the current crazy world? How many today fear for how their kids would survive in the future world? Feel confused whether we should raise our kids on true values, or teach them tips and tricks on how to survive in a no-values world..?

So where is the happiness equation? And how can we survive emotionally in a non-emotional, material world? .. It all goes down to setting expectations ..

It’s all about the “Expectations” game!

What do you expect in life? From whom? When? and how do you expect them to deliver? .. Those 4 key questions are the 4 main questions that will lead you to the ultimate route of happiness .. Guess .. close your eyes and think deeply about it ..

Science says that happiness comes from the fulfillment of preset goals, and those goals are directly related to the standards one would set for themselves .. Those standards are actually linked to the society one lives in, and how one would place themselves among the society .. Let’s give two examples.. one material and one emotional ..

Someone might feel happy if they were able to finally buy a new house .. but what made this house a happiness goal? It is actually because this one have compared themselves to a society that they thought they belong to (could be a social standard, like similar family members, or educational standard, like Phd holders of the same school, or work standard, like senior managers in similar roles) .. So deep inside, happiness was related to a material comparison with similar societies, and was driven by the standard the society has put, not what the individual has set for themselves separately ..

On the emotional side .. someone’s happiness might be driven by great love shared with a spouse or a friend, and deep inside, this is affected by the comparison with themselves and similar people also around the community they compare with .. Like neighbors, or work colleagues who are always speaking about how their partners have surprised them with gifts or a great dinner that they have spent ..etc .. so people start comparing and asking themselves ..”Why can’t I have the same?” I just want to be “Normal” like everyone around me .. Isn’t this true, from deep inside? Don’t we compare ourselves in so many cases with people around us?

The “Within” Bypass

So if we know that the major part of happiness, according to science, is driven by expectations and expectations are driven by the comparison with society, how can we make a difference? .. All what it takes is a little route bypass that we need to make, through shifting the driver of expectations from the community to the within .. from people to self .. Let’s try this bypass on the 4 key happiness questions above ..”What do you expect in life? From whom? When? and how do you expect them to deliver?” .. Let’s shift them to

“What do I expect in life? From whom? When? and how do you expect them to deliver will I achieve this?”

So we dropped the 4 questions to 3, and we changed the power of generating happiness from external to internal phrases .. Which means more self control of happiness as it stands .. And more individual planning to achieve this happiness independently ..

Does this imply that we should live in isolation and totally alone?

Be ready for the surprise!

When you learn to depend on yourself, and appreciate solitude ..Surprises will come! Great happy ones .. like amazing people who will step into your life and bring a lot of passion, warmth, happiness and values .. Those who share your same feelings, and share your same solitude .. once you get on your own, you will attract them, and also their solitude will attract you .. You will find each other without any previous arrangements, and they will share amazing moments with you, and you will do the same with them ..

Happiness in life is hard to find, but simple in the same time .. The more you try to find it outside, you will be chasing mirage, and get into a lot of pain, because of missing expectations .. It will drag you into a loop of expectations that will take you deeper and deeper .. Once you start to focus on within, you will get out of the loop, and then form your own magnet, that will attract people with similar values like yourself, and those will share happy and less happy moments with you.. Those will be your comrades when you need help, and those will join your small community of solitude lovers, the strong people from within, … And each one of those people, despite the low number, will be a massive energy giver to you when you need support ..

Search for happiness from within, stay strong, be a values magnet, and appreciate the great people who brought surprises to your life, filled them with joy, happiness and support without you expecting this .. Share this with them and tell them how they were a great surprise to your journey .. More important .. Keep the energy going, keep the magnet growing, and most importantly keep your expectations down ..

Written by:

Engagement Expert, International Speaker & Pragmatic researcher