The time machine

“The past is never where you think you left it.”

Katherine Anne Porter

If you go back in time, what’s one decision that you will change? … What’s one mistake in life that you still regret till today? Do you have a period in life that you wish to delete? What’s your biggest regret in life?

As much as we all do preach that we need to look at the future and let go of the past, the majority of human beings get trapped in the past and are not able to let go .. Why? It’s just because we try to forget it, we try hard to “delete” the past, and that’s absolutely impossible. The trial of “deleting” history has failed over and over, and there will be someone somewhere who will remind you one day of the past and it will continue to chase you everywhere you go .. people, pictures, memories, places ..etc .. they will remind you one day of what you are trying to run away from and you will have to run away again, but maybe in a different direction. So how do we move forward then?

1. Get ready to enter the time ring

The first step is not to run from the past, but to turn around and face it .. take steps backwards and actually return to the zone that you dislike most .. go back in time .. look for the situation or decision that you regretted most .. live it once more but with less tension .. you know why? because you know the end already! It’s like watching a movie that brings you pain, but you know the end of the movie already .. you know that you have survived and you will survive .. Why is that important?

Trying to let go of the past too quickly will make the past as a ghost, .. simply because we consistently try not to identify it .. not to properly look at it, and not to adequately size it .. It will remain as a taboo .. a belief that will only go deep and deep inside until it becomes an internal fact that we can’t discuss or debate.

Don’t run away too quickly then .. pause for a short while, explore and don’t be scared of the negative feelings .. it’s worth the pain.

2. Reflect on the journey

Grab a small piece of paper and reflect on the key milestones of the journey .. the good and bad moments, the joy and pain involved .. draw a line and write on both sides .. what happened? Why was there pain? What made you hate the moment? and most importantly, what made you survive?

As much as this exercise might bring you some negative feelings, some tears, some bad memories back, but what you are actually doing is sewing your bullet-proof jacket .. .. Without exploring danger, defining what pain is, defining what could hurt you is like, no one can then mitigate or prevent it .. isn’t that a fact? How would you design a bullet-proof jacket without deeply exploring what the bullet is? and what pain is?  … Makes sense?

3. Embrace failure!

You SURVIVED! Remember that! .. It is of utmost importance to embrace failure as part of our life’s journey .. don’t blame yourself of decisions you made in the past .. you know why? … Simply because you didn’t know well enough before making the decision .. so why is the blame?

You trusted someone and they betrayed you? .. well, you didn’t know that they could do that .. now you know!

You made a decision and it went bad? .. well, you made this decision based on your best estimate .. your best knowledge at that time and your previous experience … now you know more, and your experience has grown ..

4. Recharge .. Re-believe, .. Re-Focus

No matter how many times we are theoretically able to get into the time machine, and go to the past, we will most probably make the same decisions back again .. What we all need to do is to embrace our failure, learn from it, and use the past as a pivotal step towards the future .. this pivotal step will never be a solid one unless we take the time to shape the past .. size it correctly, and position it where it becomes a launch pad for our future ..

Remember … NO REGRETS! ..

Written by:

Engagement Expert, International Speaker & Pragmatic researcher