Taken!

Have you ever wondered who will remember if you disappear? Who will check on you if you simply withdraw or get withdrawn voluntarily or involuntarily? It’s a very exciting trial that will reveal the real world to you, and also help you focus on priorities ..

Few years back, I have performed a social experiment, where I used to have a Facebook account, with around 800+ so called “Friends” .. The study aimed to answer one main question: “If someone disappears, how many (in percentage) of people they know (considered “friends”) will drop an email or call to check on them?”. I had a very optimistic hypothesis that around 20% of the people will check within 1 week, 50% within a month and 80% within 6 months .. What do you think the figures were?

Here are the actual figures:

1. Within a week: Zero
2. Within a month: 0.23%
3. Within 6 months: 0.71%

I was super surprised (negatively) with the results, so I decided to run a secondary research question, and actively provoked people, sending them a message that I am in pain, and I am thinking of dropping Facebook .. I wanted to see if people will still watch in silence or try to show some support .. The result was that the same percentage of people who checked within a month (0.23%) showed some support, but was not consistent .. I ended the study prematurely, and asked two of my fellow researchers, from two different countries to repeat the same study and check if this was only me, or it was a trend that is being built up in today’s, and tomorrow’s generations .. The results were very similar ..

I discovered that we are living in a very big circus, where everyone is performing, and in the same time watching other performances .. In a typical circus performance, people will take photos, videos of acts, and if a performer falls down, or get injured by an animal attack, people will fight to take pictures and upload them on social media, but none of them will care to send flowers or check on the performer, who risked their lives to make people happy .. Some people will say that it is the performer’s “job” to do so, and they agreed to take the risks .. of course .. but what happened to courtesy, human being feelings and simple empathy or respect?

If a policeman risks their life for me, shouldn’t I be grateful? or say that it was their job? Shouldn’t I be grateful to a nurse who takes a risk of infection but support patients every day? Shouldn’t I be grateful for people who simply smile in my face every day? Why are we taking relationships for granted?

The answer is that everyone is loading, then loading, then overloading themselves with activities that relate to gaining more money, social status, power and forgetting to leave some space for those who once helped them or added value to their journey .. In fact, I carry a lot of respect to the poor animal shown in the picture above, since they had no choice in selecting the load, however; the question is always to human beings, who have all the power to make a choice, but still decide to be in the spectator zone and just “watch” others, picture them, download their videos and make them a story to tell others whenever they have the time ..

Few weeks back, I had a health challenge that prevented me from resuming my normal work duties, so I was forced to disappear for few weeks .. During those weeks, I discovered that the phenomenon is still there, and actually getting bigger! More and more people just “want” things from you and barely limited percentage is ready to give and support .. Appreciation, Respect, empathy and relationship are getting very low in value and they mean almost nothing to the majority of spectators out there .. waiting for a new movie to view ..

1. Learn to live alone .. Solitude is good and a very important skill to learn, then teach your kids to master .. The phenomenon is getting bigger and worse than ever. This previous blog post (Heave) might help you .. 
2. Learn the new definition of social relationship … it’s a “Show” that everyone needs to enjoy .. learn to smile, laugh, talk to others but once you leave the place expect absolutely nothing from those whom you smiled and laughed with .. It was a show that ended and probably you will not hear from them again, UNLESS they need something from you ..
3. Build friendship from within .. be friends with your kids, spouse, parents .. those are probably the closest and most true friends that you will ever make today ..

If you will live life as a movie that ends one day … be the movie hero .. The rule of heroes is that they usually are alone, help others from the background, expect no help or support from others and they are survivors .. Be a HERO .. Don’t be taken for granted ..

Written by:

Engagement Expert, International Speaker & Pragmatic researcher